Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Men jack you in the fuckin’ jaw and say, “Thanks for comin’ out!”. ― David Della Rocco
So I’ve been rather silent as of late (better part of 2016 and 2017). Mostly on personal things and with good reasons I didn’t want to share or talk about it to much. I’m not one to share my feelings with people, mostly do to the fact it’s no one’s business. But there comes a point where your tired of the drama and gossip, and you need to speak up. Share your side of the story..
Beginning of the year I had moved out into my friend’s house. There were growing problems between me and my now ex-wife. I know I kinda shut down after my Father had passed away. I really didn’t know how to deal with his death, because it was so random and fast. But with his passing it did open my eyes and brought to light a lot of problems within’ the relationship, that I was turning a blind eye too. Realizing that life is so short. I found myself looking at everything I had, everything I am as a person. Realizing I am not happy.
I found myself changing. Not just physically, mentally as well. I have no time for dramatic BS or 20 questions or “what are you thinking”. The lets talk about your feelings, why are you quite?. Not to mention being called a lair, cheat, just being berated and beaten down. After awhile one starts to think, ” maybe I am those things…?”. But I hit my limit. I couldn’t take it anymore. The fights, the never ending fights. I would find myself sitting in the driveway at home after work.10-15 minutes, sometimes 30 minutes. Just bracing myself for what is to come behind closed doors. I would go to work to relax, to have quite time.
Why do we have share what we are feeling? I mean, yes I get and understand that you want to open up and share things with your partner in crime. But the key word being “WANT”, not feel like you have to. I’m at the point in my life where if I want to tell you something I will. But my thoughts are my own. I don’t like to sit and dwell on things. People make mistakes, it’s life. Forgive them or not. Move on with life… When I realized that the marriage was coming to a end I did have a chance to try and fix things (again) or walk away.. I tried…. But I realized this was not working and need to step back and end it. I was not happy and didn’t want to live like that anymore.. I need to be my own person again. Find out if all the name calling was true.
If that makes me a asshole, then so be it. I’ve been quite long enough about everything. I grew up with strong male figures in my life. My Grandfather was a amazing man, World War II, Fireman, Forrest Service. He was always working and never stopped. My Father… My Father was fantastic. Artist, Forrest Service, ran his own company, he always there for me. I learned so much from them. Grandpa never really shared anything unless he felt it was important, my Father was the same way. But some how when I didn’t open about things, I’m the asshole. And you know what, I’m fully okay with that. I am who I am. I’m a doer and not a talker. I’m not into this coffee house, self help crap.
I had enough of being called names, a lair, a cheat. I had enough of feeling like nothing was ever good enough. So I ended everything and moved out. I made the dramatic life change and started to rebuild my life. For once I’m starting to feel happy again. The stress level has dropped and being able to do things of my own freewill is amazing. Plus I think I’ve become so tired of this whinny ass generation. No respect for history, let alone any knowledge of it. They are to busy worrying about their feelings being hurt, so they sit there and bitch. The talkers… If this sounds like I’m am angry, I am.
So as of right now I’m working on my site, I have a full time job and roof over my head. Two great kids and a nerdy amazing girlfriend. Who I never thought in a million years would go out with me. It was one of those “life is to short” moments and I took a chances and asked her out for a dinner/movie. It was late at night and I was thinking about her and thought why not! Whats the worse she can say? No hahah. But to my surprise she said yes! Wait what? Hahaha. I have to say I love everything about her and her nerdism. I really have no words on how I feel when I’m around her. Happy, relaxed, open, everything is so upfront and straight to the core. No dealing with BS or beating around the bush. It’s nice and refreshing and takes a little getting use to haha, been living in a downward spiral for so long.
Okay, I will end things right here for now.
THANKS FOR COMIN’ OUT!!
Men build things, then we die. It’s in our fucking DNA! That’s what we do! And when it all falls down? We build it right back up again. But this time bigger. BETTER! Look! Look what we can do. Look how fuckin’ beautiful we are. You think the men that built all this had it easy?
Hard men! Doing hard shit! I am so sick of this self help, twelve step, leftover hippie generation bullshit!
Now they don’t want you to do anything, right? Just sit there. Don’t drink. Don’t smoke. Don’t drive fast. Kiss my ass! Fuck it! Do it all I say! Do you think Duke Wayne spent all of his time talking about his feelings with a fuckin’ therapist? There’s no fucking way he did! John Wayne died with five pounds of undigested red meat in his ass. Now that’s a man! Real men hide their feelings. Why? Because it’s none of your fuckin’ business!
Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Men jack you in the fuckin’ jaw and say… Thanks for comin’ out! ― David Della Rocco
2 Replies to “Men Build Things, Then We Die”
So of course I just now get this far in my catch up reading. Not going to share this one, as its not my story to share. I’ve had a relationship that wasn’t right and a job that wasn’t right. Both times, as you said, it wasn’t easy and I didn’t feel like sharing the experience with everyone. It had to be done in order to not lose everything that was “me”. Excellent show of inner strength, sir.
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No that’s fully understandable. Sorry to hear you went through the same thing. And thank you.