A Strange Request… Grieving


So at some point in the beginning of this year 2017. Someone had sent me an email on my Facebook Page that I run for Nerdy Life of Mine.  In fact I haven’t really been keeping up on my FB Page this year, until recently this month to change a lot of information. Then I saw I had some messages. Thank Facebook for the notice… After reading this email, I felt horrible that it went so long with no answer. This person was reaching out to me for any help I can provide on dealing with grief. As soon as I saw this I quickly wrote back in hopes of still helping.. I still haven’t heard anything back from them. I feel really bad about this and hope they don’t think I was ignoring them.

So while I wait on them to write back (don’t think it’ll happen), I thought I would write and share their story and also share a little more on what I went through, as well as what I still deal with. My Father had shockingly pasted away on Feb. 27, 2016 and I’ve been dealing with that ever since then.

https://nerdylifeofmine.com/2016/03/20/one-last-ride/

https://nerdylifeofmine.com/2016/03/12/step-by-step/

https://nerdylifeofmine.com/2016/03/14/sleep-yes-please/

https://nerdylifeofmine.com/tag/dad/

I think what makes it extra hard to get over, is that our birthdays are so close together (21 & 23). So there are so many reminders ever, not that I’m trying ignore them. It’s just hard to move at times. Now with this couple that was asking for help. They were the Grandparents taking care of their 15 year old Granddaughter. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like to lose a love one so young. As a Father myself of a 10 & 8 year old, I don’t want to even think about losing any one of them. Personally I think that’s a nightmare in grief for any Parent or Grandparent to lose a child. Me losing my Father has been hard, Do to the fact it came so out of the blue and No one was ready for it… I wasn’t ready for it. But as a child you know in the back of mind, at some point you will lose your Parents or Grandparents. Hopefully to old age.. But this is just heartbreaking and having trouble giving an suggestions on how to deal. Here is the email they wrote me, I edited out any information for their privacy.

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This may be a strange request, but hoped to be able to make contact with Jason Roberts for support with loss and how he was able to go on after it. I live in ***** with my husband of 19 years. I grew up here and 17 months ago we lost our grand daughter who we were raising. She was 15 yr old and her death should have never happened. Maybe this is why I cannot seem to move on. I hope to find from others who have lost love ones, how they moved on. I came across your radio broadcast site by accident and with much interest. I am sincere in my request and just want to find some peace and not so lost anymore. It has made me unable to take care of things as I should and has put a strain on our future. I have been in counseling, tried many meds, all in hopes of getting a part of me back to where I was before our loss. Again, I know this is not a normal thing I am doing, but I read about your loss and how much it effected you like it has me. My husband does not know I have sent this and I understand if you choose to ignore me, but I am sincere in my hope of someone helping me, by the way that helped them. I am 54 years old and a kind soul who tries to help others when I can. I believe there are still good people among us and ones you can trust and who truly can understand your struggles and losses.
Thank you for your time and in reading my post to you. I feel it is worth a shot and there is no hurt by asking, right? Truly… greatful for any suggestions or ideas that could help me.

if nothing more than a good story to share with your friends later I guess

Sincerely, ****
(just a hometown family girl at heart)

1: Take it a day at a time..

No one expects you to be fine the next day or get over it in a week. Take all the time in the world work things out with yourself and love ones.

2: Try and focus on the good times and memories. Don’t let their death change those for you.

3: Things do get better in time. Altho the pain never really leaves, things do become easier.

4: Try talking with someone about it. Love one or a counselor.

This one I kinda failed at. I still really haven’t talk about everything about my Father. I didn’t know how to deal and bottled everything up. That caused a lot of problems in my personal life. It is important that you talk to someone or write it out and share. Like I have in the past and current. I’ve learned from my mistakes and the event of my Father’s passing has changed my life in so many, many ways. Life changing ways..

5: Keep something of theirs. Pictures are one thing, but what I’m talking about is like a necklace, bracelet, etc. Something that you can take with you. As weird as it sounds, it helps.

6: Comfort food & movie.. Haha yes comfort food. Now don’t go over board and eat your feelings away. Just find a favorite movie of yours and whatever comfort food and send a day doing that.

7: Friends and Family… Help each other in this hard time.

Now some people turn to religion to help them grief or what have you. Personally that didn’t work for me and I’m not the most religious. Plus I’ve also seen religion go the other direction and people blame God for everything and destroy everything in their lives. That’s not good for anyone. Not saying that happens all the time. But it does happen, specially with a child or someone so young.

I do hope this will help this couple, if they read this. Even help other people who are grieving, also here are some website that may help out a little.

Grieving the Death of a Child

https://healgrief.org/grieving-the-death-of-a-child/

Helping Yourself Heal When a Parent Dies

http://griefwords.com/index.cgi?action=page&page=articles%2Fhelping4.html&site_id=2

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