One Last Ride

On February 27, 2016 my Father had passed away. On Friday the 19th he had a massive heart attack, that following Monday he would coronary artery bypass surgery. At first the Doctor told me that they would have to quadruple bypass, then after looking at things it went down to two… Monday the day of the surgery the Doctor informed that my Dad need to have a quintuple bypass.. Five… Five of his…

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One Last Ride

On February 27, 2016 my Father had passed away. On Friday the 19th he had a massive heart attack, that following Monday he would have coronary artery bypass surgery. At first the Doctor told me that they would have to quadruple bypass, then after looking at things it went down to two… Monday the day of the surgery the Doctor informed that my Dad need to have a quintuple bypass.. Five… Five of his arteries need to be replaced, bypass of more than four coronary arteries is uncommon. Rather worried that this point, The Doctor told me that the surgery went fine and is still out of it. Now please keep in mind I’m in Oregon at this point and my Father is in California. So I’m talking to the Doctor over the phone and getting updates that way.

Come Tuesday I was able to talk with him and get more information. Everything seemed to be going fine and my Dad was in a great mood (All tho I think it was mostly do to the drugs haha). I was able to tell him about meeting Shatner and replacing the lost autograph that my Dad gave me a few years back. Told him about the conversation I had with Shatner (I wrote about this in another post https://nerdylifeofmine.com/2016/02/22/a-small-conversation-with-william-shatner-bob-camp-at-wizard-world/). He was so beyond happy to hear about that. Over the next couple of days I would call in and see how is was doing. He told me that some of old childhood friends came in to see how he was doing. I was happy and shocked to hear about that. On Friday the 26th… I called in to see how my Dad was doing, he was in a  good mood and full of jokes. He had just finished doing his walk around the hospital floor and taking a breather. They wanted him to to try and use the bathroom, that’s where he joked about making camp in there because getting up and down was hard haha.

I had Lilly and Jackson (My Hobbits) with me at this time and they wanted to talk with him and see how he was doing. Because they were so worried about him before. I think they talked with him for almost 30-40 minutes haha, Lilly and my Dad were making to plans to see each other and Disneyland. Jackson and him were talking video games, movies and Jackson’s time at Comic Con.

… One second….. Having trouble writing right now…. *Let me say ahead of time I’m sorry for any misspellings or what have you. I’m trying to power through this and clear my head.*

After the kids said goodbye, I continued to talk with him. There we talked about him retiring and what kind of meds/diet he is going to be on. My Father was so happy, because the Doctor at this point told him that he was making great progress and gets to go home that Sunday! We made some plans for the summer and for us to come down and see him and he wanted to come up for Christmas again. He was in such a great mood, full of jokes. This would be the last time I would ever talk to my Dad………….. “Me: Love you, schmuck, Dad: Love you too, moron…”

February 27……..

Got up and ready for work as normal.. Started work at 8am and was there till about 9:30-10am and that’s when I saw Carly come into the back door of the shop. Rather odd I thought.. I had my hands full at this point and had to put everything down as she told me to come here.. She had a worried look on her face……

It was that point Carly told me that my Dad had passed away……….

Standing there in shock. Mind went blank. Just looking at her and not knowing what to say or do. Thinking that this might be a really bad joke. But I knew that wasn’t true. Carly’s face said it all. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to leave work and let my co-works know. I gave my Carly my phone so she can call our friend Shaun and let him know I wasn’t going to be there today and why. I walked back inside still holding together at this point, I told Zack (my co-worker) I was leaving. With a look on his face he asked why? I told him my Father just passed away. “Leave.. Get out..” I then tried to tell him what I hadn’t finished at work. “I don’t care, go home. I’m so sorry.”

Grabbing my stuff and trying to walk to the car. At this point things were a blur. I really don’t remember much, I know I just broke down. I remember feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do. The man I always went to talk to about things, get advice. Was no longer there.

My Father, my best friend, my hero was no longer there….

I know as the day went on, I knew people were talking with me and messaging me. But I really don’t remember any of it. Everyone was telling me how sorry they are to hear the passing of my Dad or share stories.. But what can I say to them. “Thank you” seems like a cheap reply.. But sadly that’s all I could get out. I really to don’t remember talking to many of my friends/family about this.

I know after the next few days Carly and I were able to make our way down to California to help with everything and give my Dad the send off he needed. I grateful for our friends Kevin and Shaun that help Carly and I make the trip down there. With out them, I don’t think any of that would have been possible. So we made our trip down to Ventura CA. I wanted to drive down. I knew I had to drive down. I didn’t want to fly. I wanted to do one last ride down to California. Why you ask? As a kid every summer my Dad would drive up to Oregon and pick me up after the school year was done. We did this for years and years. Every time was different from the last, never knowing who you’d meet on the road or what problems would happen. There are so many great stories that happen to us while drive back and forth. I really just need to drive down and remember everything. Remember him. I wanted to share these stories & places that I talked so much with Carly.

Writing this is beyond hard for me now.. I started this on the 15th of March and it’s now the 20th. I’m just trying to push through this and open up with everything inside.

Once we were in Ventura CA. all of my childhood friends were there. Friends I haven’t seen in years and thought we would never talk again. We were together again and picked up right where we left off. It’s weird tho. In a odd way I like to think it was my Father made all this possible. He knew that there were problems in the past with us. He knew I wanted to fix things and get back together with them all. He did it. Some how he did. I just wish my Dad was here to see it, because he helped raise all of us as kids.

When it was time to do the service. We walked in and to my far right I could see him there…. I had to leave… Only for a moment.. It took me awhile to build up strength to finally look at him… It was my Dad, but it wasn’t. It was this shell of what he use to be. His light was now gone from this world and I’m having trouble trying to my way. I will miss him so much and everything he stood for. Right now I’m still having trouble making my way through life with out him being there. If I have a question about something or just need a little nugget of knowledge I would start to dial his number. Then realize that he isn’t here anymore.

At the end of the trip I find myself with boxes and boxes of family history that he had saved and put together. Not just current family, but family going back four or five generations! So I’ve made it a mission to put all this together and finish want he had started. There is some many thing I didn’t even know about my family.

I’m going to end this post here.. I’m sure I’ll write about this again at some point. But I just don’t have the energy in me at the moment. Thank you all for reading and understanding on why I had to back away from so many things lately.

~Jason Bucky Roberts

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Sleep? Yes Please!

Ever have one of those nights where you can’t sleep? That’s happening to me right now. But I’m rather sure mine problem is cased by to much spicy food haha.
Also my brain won’t turn off. So many things popping into my head. Ideas and stories for my book that I’m writing. Memories of my father. Went back to work for the first time after everything with the passing of my Dad. I thought I could do. I…

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Sleep? Yes Please!

Ever have one of those nights where you can’t sleep? That’s happening to me right now. But I’m rather sure mine problem is cased by to much spicy food haha.
Also my brain won’t turn off. So many things popping into my head. Ideas and stories for my book that I’m writing. Memories of my father. Went back to work for the first time after everything with the passing of my Dad. I thought I could do. I did it. I pushed through it. But the awkwardness & anxiety levels were vary high. Having to put on smiling face for everyone was rather hard.
I just miss him so much…..
Okay.. Enough of that for now. I’m going to try and sleep. Goodnight!

Step By Step

A couple of days ago, we just got back from California. It wasn’t a planned trip or a joyful one… We had to go down due to the passing of my father…. I’ve been wanting to write about for awhile. But we came back with more stuff than we left with.

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As you can see my desk is covered and the row of boxes in the living room. This is a mix of my Dad’s things and my Grandpa’s. I started to go through…

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Step By Step

A couple of days ago, we just got back from California. It wasn’t a planned trip or a joyful one… We had to go down due to the passing of my father…. I’ve been wanting to write about for awhile. But we came back with more stuff than we left with.

image

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As you can see my desk is covered and the row of boxes in the living room. This is a mix of my Dad’s things and my Grandpa’s. I started to go through some of it and found so much family history. Things I didn’t know they had. It’s hard… I miss him. Find myself wanting to call my Dad and ask questions or memories/jokes that won’t happen again. So once I’m done going through everything and able to get to my desk. I plan on writing about everything and who my father was.
Step by step.

Adventures in Single Parenting

Where to start…? For the past year or so I’ve been keeping a log of the day-to-day life of myself and my kids. I’ve also been keeping a medical log as well, mostly for my son seeing how he has the most of the problems. The reason for all the record keeping was caused by me and my ex-wife getting a divorce about a year ago…. As it stands I have the kids 90% of the time. She moved out.. I don’t know why I’m writing about this now. I think it was caused by reading everything that I wrote in the logs.
I know I made a post when everything went down on Facebook and I also stated that I wouldn’t talk about it again.. But there are so many things digging at me.. The drama, games, the lack of respect. Here is the post I made on Facebook:

“End of a Chapter. Starting a new one
by Jason Roberts on Sunday, July 8, 2012 at 12:16am ·

I’ve been thinking a lot about this for the past month or two now. For those who knows both me and Laurel personally, know that we have been, having a great deal of trouble in our marriage.

For the past month now we both came to the point where things are just not working out anymore. We have parted ways and moved on to other things.

We are both working together to make sure the kids are happy in all this and that there is NO bad blood between us both. I know it’s never easy and also sad. But in the long run it’s for the best I think. We are just on to different levels and have different ideas for what we want out of life.

Now this is something that just didn’t happen over night. No this has been going on from Oct. 2011 to now. We’ve try to work things out. But it wasn’t till these last 2 months is where we both realized that things were just never going to be the same or get better. Again there is no bad blood, no “he said, she said.” going on. We are both living our lives and making sure that the kids are happy , health, and that they have everything they need in life. After all.. That is what is important, the kids.

It feels nice to talk about this finally. We’ve been keeping a lot of this under raps for so long, worry on what people may think. Are we going to lose friends? Lose family? Be everyone seems to be working with us to make sure everyone is happy and working together.

We both are see other people and living our lives the way we see fit. No more, no less. This is the last and only time I will ever write about this. The fact is that this is a personal matter. But all of our friends are on here and this is just an easier way to inform everyone that needs to know.”

The truth of the matter is I tried to make it work.. THREE times I’ve tried to make things work out. Whats odd is, I’ve always said if someone cheated on me I was out. Gone.. But for some reason that just eludes me to why I tried to make things work. Maybe it was for the kids? I don’t know….. As time goes on my attention is on the kids. They have become my life and I will do anything for them. I want them to be happy and health. I’m just tired of  walking on egg shells so to speak.

I’m the one doing everything for them. School, meetings with teachers, Doctor appointments, helping with homework. I make sure they have clean cloths and 3 meals a day. Oh sure she takes them every so often. For the past month it’s been Tuesdays and Saturdays only for a few hours. But there have been a few times where I get a text or phone call stating that she is “tired” or not “feeling good” OR my favorite is ” can you come and get them? They won’t listen to anything I say.”

I’m sorry… But that’s not how this works. You’re the parent, the Mother… I just don’t get it really, it’s like they come off as a chore. Also what kills me is when I get texts late at night asking if I’m unhappy having the kids all the time? Followed up with a lame attempted of saying sorry for making a mess of my life.

No… I’m done being nice, I tired of the games and drama. Tired of waiting for someone’s mind to make decision and/or keep a promise. These kids are my life, the air I breath. They make me complete and happy where I am no made what. I love seeing their little faces in the morning and telling me what they had dreams about. How they slept and what they want for breakfast. I mean yeah it lonely not having another adult around to talk to. But I figured a relationship or what have you will happen in its own time. I just hope they are okay with kids HA-HA! I’ll tell you this tho… If I ever do get married again, that’s it! I want someone to talk to me about the problems when they have them. Not just sit there and do nothing. Like I said in that post:

“We are just on to different levels and have different ideas for what we want out of life.”