Ever get to the point where your not to sure where you are going?
Maybe I’m being impatient and wanting things to change for the better. Don’t get me wrong, I like where things are at and how my life is going so far. Given everything that has happen in the last two years. But sometimes I feel stuck in this loop that’s always repeating.
I think that is one of the main reasons why I started this blog in the first place. Plus with podcasting again now, that adds another escape. I use to do a lot of paintings and/or drawing, but I find myself turned off by it. I think it was mostly cause by other people’s thoughts about my art. Or it became what the other person wanted, I got use to doing pictures for other people or changing my style because what I was painting bothered them.. I wasn’t doing it for me anymore… Infact I haven’t painted anything for myself in years. Maybe I should try and change that. I miss doing art shows and getting together with other artist and talking shop.
I know I started writing a book about a year and half ago. I think it only 25% done and I hit a wall. I have the idea where the book is going to go, as well as the subject matter. I mean it’s mostly stories from my life, it’s just shockingly hard to get down on paper. I think the problem I’m running into, is that I’m worried about people might think about it. Altho I’m at the point where I really don’t care anymore haha. Been judged on my past for so long, guess I got a little punchy. My history is what is it and I don’t regret one things at all.
When it is all said and done. I am happy, I have a job, a roof over my head and a wonderful girlfriend. Plus I have two health kids that cause grey hair and drive me up the wall at times hahaha.
So this post is more on the personal side. Which I’ve been know to do from time to time on here, aside from the nerdy fandom posts.
2013 was not the best year for myself. Oh sure I had a few winning moments. But sadly that only made 10% of the events good. Where as the bad was around 90%… Lost one of the many battles over custody for my children, lost my job, car, lots of financial problems and even got arrested towards the end of the year.
Also founded out that I’m suffering from Depression and what would be the being stages of Agoraphobia. For those who don’t know what Agoraphobia is, it’s when you an anxiety disorder characterized by anxiety in situations. Like in wide-open spaces, as well as uncontrollable social situations such as the possibility of being met in shopping malls, airports etc. Also causes panic attacks in those environments. There are better definitions on Wikipedia if you care to look it up :).
So this week finished all the left over drama from 2013. Paving the way for a new beginning in 2014. A vary much needed new beginning…
After being hit with the proverbial enlightenment stick. I’ve sought out getting help from a therapist and started taking parenting classes. I’ve Also registered for college in the fall. So today was the first day of therapy and it went rather well. It was more of a getting to know each other type of meeting, haha to get a better understanding of my shenanigans.
With a new being on the horizon, I’ve started/join some new creative outlets. One being this new podcast! Yay! This is something I’ve always wanted to do. But never knew how and or participate in one. Let alone on who to talk to about such a matter haha :). That was until last week when I got a tweet from a follower about joining his podcast group! At first I was nervous, not to sure of myself(Thank you Agoraphobia). But I pushed through it and jumped on board, because I knew I wasn’t going to get another change like this for awhile. Still a little nervous about everything, but I manage to finish an episode the other night. And went rather well, had a lot of fun and laughs. Can’t wait to record new episodes :). I’ve also started making a new layout for the website as well. Things like a new logo, update the HTML5, I’ve also been playing around with c++. I’m also looking to add new writers to my site.
But all in all, things are getting better. 2014 as a “A New Hope” feeling to it. I want to keep moving forward and make myself a better person.
So in ending this post I say to 2013,”So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish.”