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Nerdy Life of Mine

Just mild-mannered blogger & podcaster! Fighting a never-ending battle for fandoms & sharing all my misadventures in life.

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Men Build Things, Then We Die

Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Men jack you in the fuckin’ jaw and say, “Thanks for comin’ out!”. ― David Della Rocco

So I’ve been rather silent as of late (better part of 2016 and 2017). Mostly on personal things and with good reasons I didn’t want to share or talk about it to much. I’m not one to share my feelings with people, mostly do to the fact it’s no one’s business. But there comes a point where your tired of the drama and gossip, and you need to speak up. Share your side of the story..

Beginning of the year I had moved out into my friend’s house. There were growing problems between me and my now ex-wife. I know I kinda shut down after my Father had passed away. I really didn’t know how to deal with his death, because it was so random and fast. But with his passing it did open my eyes and brought to light a lot of problems within’ the relationship, that I was turning a blind eye too. Realizing that life is so short. I found myself looking at everything I had, everything I am as a person. Realizing I am not happy.

I found myself changing. Not just physically, mentally as well. I have no time for dramatic BS or 20 questions or “what are you thinking”. The lets talk about your feelings, why are you quite?. Not to mention being called a lair, cheat, just being berated and beaten down. After awhile one starts to think, ” maybe I am those things…?”. But I hit my limit. I couldn’t take it anymore. The fights, the never ending fights. I would find myself sitting in the driveway at home after work.10-15 minutes, sometimes 30 minutes. Just bracing myself for what is to come behind closed doors. I would go to work to relax, to have quite time.

Why do we have share what we are feeling? I mean, yes I get and understand that you want to open up and share things with your partner in crime. But the key word being “WANT”, not feel like you have to. I’m at the point in my life where if I want to tell you something I will. But my thoughts are my own. I don’t like to sit and dwell on things. People make mistakes, it’s life. Forgive them or not. Move on with life… When I realized that the marriage was coming to a end I did have a chance to try and fix things (again) or walk away.. I tried…. But I realized this was not working and need to step back and end it. I was not happy and didn’t want to live like that anymore.. I need to be my own person again. Find out if all the name calling was true.

If that makes me a asshole, then so be it. I’ve been quite long enough about everything. I grew up with strong male figures in my life. My Grandfather was a amazing man, World War II, Fireman, Forrest Service. He was always working and never stopped. My Father… My Father was fantastic. Artist, Forrest Service, ran his own company, he always there for me. I learned so much from them. Grandpa never really shared anything unless he felt it was important, my Father was the same way. But some how when I didn’t open about things, I’m the asshole. And you know what, I’m fully okay with that. I am who I am. I’m a doer and not a talker. I’m not into this coffee house, self help crap.

I had enough of being called names, a lair, a cheat. I had enough of feeling like nothing was ever good enough. So I ended everything and moved out. I made the dramatic life change and started to rebuild my life. For once I’m starting to feel happy again. The stress level has dropped and being able to do things of my own freewill is amazing. Plus I think I’ve become so tired of this whinny ass generation. No respect for history, let alone any knowledge of it. They are to busy worrying about their feelings being hurt, so they sit there and bitch. The talkers… If this sounds like I’m am angry, I am.

So as of right now I’m working on my site, I have a full time job and roof over my head. Two great kids and a nerdy amazing girlfriend. Who I never thought in a million years would go out with me. It was one of those “life is to short” moments and I took a chances and asked her out for a dinner/movie. It was late at night and I was thinking about her and thought why not! Whats the worse she can say? No hahah. But to my surprise she said yes! Wait what? Hahaha. I have to say I love everything about her and her nerdism. I really have no words on how I feel when I’m around her. Happy, relaxed, open, everything is so upfront and straight to the core. No dealing with BS or beating around the bush. It’s nice and refreshing and takes a little getting use to haha, been living in a downward spiral for so long.

Okay, I will end things right here for now.

THANKS FOR COMIN’ OUT!!

Men build things, then we die. It’s in our fucking DNA! That’s what we do! And when it all falls down? We build it right back up again. But this time bigger. BETTER! Look! Look what we can do. Look how fuckin’ beautiful we are. You think the men that built all this had it easy?
Hard men! Doing hard shit! I am so sick of this self help, twelve step, leftover hippie generation bullshit!
Now they don’t want you to do anything, right? Just sit there. Don’t drink. Don’t smoke. Don’t drive fast. Kiss my ass! Fuck it! Do it all I say! Do you think Duke Wayne spent all of his time talking about his feelings with a fuckin’ therapist? There’s no fucking way he did! John Wayne died with five pounds of undigested red meat in his ass. Now that’s a man! Real men hide their feelings. Why? Because it’s none of your fuckin’ business!
Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Men jack you in the fuckin’ jaw and say… Thanks for comin’ out! ― David Della Rocco

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Alive.. Not Dead…

I have been away for a long time now… Because of that, my Blog is beyond a mess inside and out. It seems that after New Years everything stopped, motivation kinda went out the window.. Not that I wanted to write and share my adventures.. Just when I sit down to write, I look blankly at the screen or become side tracked with something else.

There are also personal reasons why I’ve been away. One of them being the one year anniversary of my Father’s death… I know at some point I’ll dive into more details on everything at a later date.

So! What is missing so far this year? I glad you asked! I would love to show you want I’ve been slacking on hahaha:

Media coverage of Wizard World Portland 2017

Star Wars Book Challenge

Personal rants and raves

Website layout & new logos

Tech Reviews

New Podcast set up

Yeah…. There is a lot of work ahead of me on here. I might go back to basics and fix everything first. Aside from personal life, there is work life that is eating up a lot of time as well. By the time I finish with work, I really don’t want to do anything else hahaha. BUT! Now having said that, I figure I’d write to you all to let you all know I’m alive! I’m not DEAD! I know some of you sent messages saying “hello”, “how are you?” and or, “are you okay?”. I know I didn’t write back to some of you, I’m sorry about that. I haven’t been on social media much as of late..

At any rate, my goal is to get some writing done this week and weekend. I want to finish the website layout too this weekend!! God things are such a mess, it driving my O.C.D nuts!!

 

Personal Update 

So this year(2016) is beyond ridiculous… I mean every year has it’s ups and downs. But it seems this year is one kick after another. 

My father passed away early in the beginning of the year. So I’ve been dealing with that. Trying to at least. Meanwhile it seems like I’ve been having a few medical issue after another. Talking with my Doctor and describing some my problems health and mental. Turns out I’m suffering from Depression and Anxiety. Which is causing problems with work and my family. Couldn’t deal with a lot of people all at once and would start to panic. 

Never spoke up for myself and just kinda rolled over. Stress eat…. It was a big mess really. But now I’m being medicated for it and things are turning around so to speak. So after moving forward with that, I had my shoulder finally checked out. About 10 years ago I had popped it out of the socket. Then had it violent put back in. Ever since, it’s been giving me problems and getting in the way of my job. At some points I wasn’t able to pick up my kids or nieces and nephews.

*** Need to stop for a moment. Doctor is hooking up with wires. I’ll explain in a minute.***

So after the Doctor looked at my arm and shoulders, had some x-rays done and found that there is a small gap between my clavicle and join. That cause the muscles to slip in and pinch. So he gave me a cortisone shot in the shoulder to help with the pain. Boy that was the weirdest feeling ever haha. But afterwards I was scheduled for physical therapy for the next couple of months. That was a lot of pain. So much I almost called out of work a few times. But now I’m finished with the therapy and get a shot in the shoulder if needed every other month.

Now the more recent updates and issues. While doing a follow up appointment, my Doctor wanted to see how the Depression medication was working as well as my shoulder. So while taking more x-rays, he stop and moved the machine down to the middle of my chest. Then took a series of x-rays and then proceeded to tell me that he found a dark spots on my lungs that wasn’t there before. Gave me a list of what could cause this or what it could be. As well the bad…. So he did some more tests and blood work and told he’ll let me know as soon as possible. Seeing how he was going on vacation that following weekend. Went back to work and almost broke down in front of my friend/boss…. I really didn’t know what to do. The stress of not knowing and waiting. 

I believe it wasn’t till Monday when I heard the news. It turns out that it was scar tissue, likely caused by a violent cough or throwing up.. So as of right now you are wondering why the Doctor is wiring me up? Well my Doctor wanted me to do a sleep test. This also linked to my depression and anxiety. It’s going to be interesting as to what they find in the moring. 

So till then, I will say goodnight!

Sick…

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I haven’t been this sick in awhile. Hot ♨ and cold ❄ flashes, fever. Not to mention that my throat is killing me, along with a headache. I have things I need to do today, but I can’t. Missed out on work, which I don’t like doing. It’s be one thing if it was an office job, but I’m a cook. Being sick and making people’s food was never a pleasant notion for me. At any rate I think I’ll try and eat something and very more sleep. And yes that is me currently while writing this.. I think it’s the hair that pulls it all together.

Me and my fat cat

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